No, Robert Pattinson Will Not Pleasure a Dog, Not Even for Art

By Whitney Kimball | August 5, 2017 | 3:55pm

Celebrities Dirt Bag

Today, we know whether Robert Pattinson will masturbate a dog: no.

The topic was addressed on Jimmy Kimmel (scroll to 3:02) where Pattinson said that, in a scene in which he’s “sleeping with a dog,” the directors of Good Time told him to “just do it for real, man, don’t be a [bloop]!”

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He stood his ground, and they made a fake [bloop] for him to [bloop bloop]. My favorite part about this is that Pattinson is presumably on Kimmel to promo the movie, which I now either definitely or never need to see, leaning towards never.

Please take a moment to savor this photograph of Caitlyn Jenner rolling through a residential neighborhood in her 1960 Bugeye Sprite, her “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN” ball cap atop her blonde hair blowing in the wind, making a bold statement for all the world.

The photo leads the TMZ story “KARDASHIAN FAMILY; CAITLYN’S A TRANSGENDER TRAITOR” (emphasis: TMZ) because she reportedly still supports Donald Trump after he announced that he would ban transgender people from the military. The story doesn’t identify who in the family has said this, but Kris, Kourtney, and Kim endorsed Hillary; Khloé has been on Celebrity Apprentice but later apologized, “my mom made me do it.”

The Caitlyn Jenner-Donald Trump romance was born back in March 2016, when Donald Trump offered her to use his bathroom in Trump Tower (a politically expedient break from Ted Cruz) after she sorta-endorsed him on her show (he’d be “very good for women’s rights”), and they’ve publicly been pals ever since.

Ariana Grande’s Instagram was hacked yesterday and filled with what gossip media is describing as “obscene pictures and racist messages” which have since been deleted. We don’t have much detail on what those messages were, but according to the Evening Standard, one read:

GANG B**** F** WIT US GET SHMOKEEDDD.

We don’t know what getting shmokeeddd [pronunciation: shmoak·eed, shmo·ked, shmoked?] is, but we probably don’t want it to happen to us! Now Nikki Minaj might get shmokeeddd, too, after leaving a skeptical face emoji in the comments with the threat “‘F*** u talkin bout u next @nickiminaj.” By the looks of her Instagram, Minaj hasn’t been schmokeeddd yet. Since the Wayback Machine didn’t archive Grande’s page yesterday, those obscenities may remain a secret best kept between Ariana Grande and 111 million teens.

Bradley Cooper has been dubbed “Bradley the Grey” by the Daily Mail after spotted with gray hairs in his beard, which they attribute to fatherhood. Other potential nicknames: “Father Time,” “Graybeard,” “Bradley Cooper the Wizard.” [Daily Mail]
Casey Affleck and Summer Phoenix have reportedly, quickly reached a divorce settlement. He will pay spousal support. [TMZ]
Spencer Pratt’s estranged sister is making cryptic references to “evil” family members and tweets that “it’s time 2 tell the truth.” ““Can’t beef with peeps who have mental problems,” Spencer tweeted on Monday. [Us Weekly]
Witness another Bachelor veteran’s fall from grace, as Iowa farmer Chris Soules goes on trial for allegedly leaving the scene of a crash which killed a sixty-year-old man. [Page Six]
The husband de Luann de Lessep de Real Housewives of New York City has filed for divorce, allegedly because she’s been spending time with her ex. [Page Six]