I don't claim to know (or feel comfortable speculating about) what's going on inside Nigella Lawson's marriage to Charles Saatchi, who was recently photographed violently gripping his wife's throat at a London restaurant. But for those of you fond of jewelry-based detective work, here's this:
...After the throat-gripping episode, Lawson's rep confirmed to E! News she had "left the house" she shared with her husband of nine years although they had "no comment" on the purported choking.
Hope your support system is on point, Nigella. [E!]
Kim Kardashian is locking all of her baubles in a treasure vault guarded by the vile dragon Smaug while she hides in a baby bunker for the next month.
A moving truck was photographed outside Kim's old Beverly Hills home on Tuesday — while Kim was still in the hospital after giving birth — and we're told it was there to pick up all her personal effects in order to be moved to the new $11 million mansion she bought with Kanye in Bel Air.
Unfortunately, the new house isn't ready yet — and the old one is about to be renovated — so we're told Kim had to place her stuff in storage vaults ... for the time being.
We're told Kim's stuff is occupying a total of three vaults — and each vault only costs $50/month to rent ... so it's not a huge investment.
Don't get Bling Ringed, gurl. [TMZ]
Russell Brand has canceled the Middle Eastern leg of his current stand-up tour due to threats from extremists.
The British comedian has canceled shows in Lebanon and Abu Dhabi after the venues where he was scheduled to perform informed him that they could no longer guarantee his safety.
"Those gigs have been banned, pulled because of threats from extremists that if I went there there would be problems," Brand told the BBC's Radio 5 Live.
..."The image by the brilliant artist Shepard Fairey depicts me as looking a little Christ-like...so there's an indication that it might be offensive," Brand said. "If you are in some sort of fundamentalist group and Google my name and watch a few things on YouTube you might just think 'don't bother having him here.'"
- Nick and Vanessa Lachey want another baby. [Us]
- This headline was a lot more entertaining in my Google Reader, where it just said, "Gallagher brands Williams a 'fat idiot,'" and for a moment I thought Gallagher the comedian was in a bloodfeud with Serena Williams. Then I clicked through and felt ripped off by the universe. [News.au]
- Doug and Courtney were out and about. This thing Courtney does to herself—this strange, artificial sculpting and teetering—I'm really not judging it, but it is a such a uniquely strange and human thing. Can you imagine if, like, regular animals did that? Like badgers? Or salmon? Or iguanas? [ONTD]
- If you have feelings about "Jordana Brewster's Lava Lamp Shorts Suit," your moment has arrived. [E!]
- Russell Brand, perplexed by the fact that Mila Kunis declined to bang him, said that her then-boyfriend Macaulay Culkin “looked pale and scared of himself, like a shaved horse.” [JanetCharlton]
- Chris Colfer got to go to the Downton Abbey set! CAH-YOOOOOT. [E!]
- Fear the Taylor Swift army. [People]
- This might as well be Esperanto: "Austin Mahone To Show Off Beatboxing Skills On 'The Show With Vinny.'" [MTV]
- Bethenny Frankel is having a rough time with her divorce. [Us]
- Reese Witherspoon wants her face back. [TMZ]
- Dominic Chianese says he's in a "real blue funk" about James Gandolfini. [Extra]
- Justin Bieber seems high. [TMZ]