NASCAR driver Kurt Busch, who's accused of domestic abuse by his former girlfriend Patricia Driscoll, testified in court this week that he couldn't possibly be guilty of violence against her — because, he claims, Driscoll is a trained assassin. He accused his ex of carrying out covert operations for years and said he'd seen her return home from a mission in a blood-spattered ball gown.

According to the Associated Press, Busch made that assertion in court testimony Tuesday, in response to a no-contact order Driscoll has requested against him. She testified that after the couple broke up last fall, Busch assaulted her in his RV at Dover International Speedway a week later, "grabbing her by the throat and slamming her head into a wall three times," according to the AP report. Busch denies that, claiming that she showed up unannounced at the RV and he responded by cupping her face, looking her in the eye, and telling her she had to leave. A detective who interviewed Busch in November says he told police that Driscoll's head had "tapped" the wall of the RV as he was face-cupping.

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But Busch also testified that Driscoll had claimed throughout their relationship that she was a trained assassin, carrying out covert operations across Central and South American and Africa. One evening, he claims, they were staying in a hotel in El Paso when Driscoll left in a camouflage outfit and boots. He says she returned home later that night in a trench coat, layered over an evening gown "covered in blood."

"Everybody on the outside can tell me I'm crazy, but I lived on the inside and saw it firsthand," he told the court.

Michael Doncheff, Busch's RV driver and personal assistant, testified last month that Driscoll had also told him she was a trained assassin and told him stories he thought were far-fetched, including that during a recent visit to the Mexican-American border, she'd been grabbed by a "big guy" and slammed to the ground, injuring her. He also recalled her saying, "NASCAR is nothing. I take down foreign governments. I own Washington." Doncheff also said that Busch at times displayed "a temper" against Driscoll.

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Driscoll heads a charity, the Armed Forces Foundation, and owns a "defense contracting" company, Frontline Defense Systems LLC, which says its mission is to "support the U.S. Govt. and commercial companies engaged in the Global War on Terror" by providing " 'best of breed' off the shelf, hardware and software components to solve specific problems in the intelligence collection and operational support arenas."

As much as a goodly portion of the Jezebel staff would like the paid assassin story to be true ("Break that mercenary glass ceiling, girl," staff writer Kelly Faircloth commented this morning), in a phone interview with AP, Driscoll called Busch's claims "ludicrous." She said he'd lifted those stories straight from a screenplay she's been working on. Referring to Busch's attorney, Rusty Hardin, she added, "These statements made about being a trained assassin, hired killer, are ludicrous and without basis and are an attempt to destroy my credibility. Not even Rusty Hardin believes this."

Busch and Driscoll in May 2014. Photo via AP