'Naked From Head to Toe' Couple Arrested Having Sex in Library Bathroom

You guys, they were completely nude. Not even sneakers (which many good porn actors will tell you is a practical footwear choice for sex)! Who does that? Apparently, two people in Wisconsin, who were so excited to see each other “after a few days” that they couldn’t find anywhere else to bang it out except the library bathroom.

According to the Journal Sentinel, Daniel Goralski and Julie Dahms—who are engaged to be married, so it’s not wrong or anything—were doing the dirty in the dirtiest room of the building when a woman walked in on them enjoying each other in the ways you only read about on the internet. Not because it was anything out of the ordinary sexually, but because both Goralski and Dahms, who had somehow not locked the door, had taken off all their clothes for the deed.

A woman walked into the family restroom at the Waukesha Public Library about 5 p.m. on March 2 and was shocked to see “two subjects having sex sitting on a toilet… naked from head to toe.” She complained to library staff that “this was unacceptable.”

When security officer Bret Best returned to the restroom, it was locked. He knocked, and heard what sounded like people getting dressed before Daniel Goralski, 29, and Julie Dahms emerged, clothed.

When asked why the couple didn’t even bother locking the door, Goralski and Dahms claimed that they had but that the library’s lock must have malfunctioned (after which they angrily demanded to know just exactly their taxpayer dollars were going to if not to insure a secure sex area at a municipal building). Goralski was cited and then charged based on his previous record. He could be facing up to two years in jail, which is probably ill-advised because considering what the couple did when they hadn’t seen each other for a few days, it’s hard not to imagine what going two years without fucking will be like for them.

This is not the first crime for The Waukesha Public Library, which has had to hire a security guard in the recent past.