Murderer Joran van der Sloot to Marry His Pregnant Peruvian Girlfriend

It’s wedding bells for convicted murderer Joran van der Sloot, who is set to marry his five-months-pregnant girlfriend in a Peruvian prison. The marriage may allow him to avoid extradition to the US, where he faces charges of extortion and an entire country of people who are still mad at him for what no one was able to conclusively prove he did to Alabama teen Natalee Holloway in 2005.

According to CBS News, the ceremony will occur on May 22nd at noon in the Piedras Gordas prison, van der Sloot’s digs since he was convicted of murdering college student Stephany Flores in 2010.

His new bride is a local woman by the name of Leidy Figueroa, who became enraptured with the killer and all around shit when introduced by another inmate she was visiting in the prison last year. And because the prison allows conjugal visits, a year is more than enough time for Figueroa and van der Sloot to consummate their love and make themselves a baby. Here’s more from CBS,

Van der Sloot had his lawyer get the wedding ring last year, according to Figueroa. The ring has a small stone, not a diamond. The bride is still looking for a wedding dress. She is also working on getting a permit to videotape and photograph the ceremony.

There will be no reception at the prison. But Peru media reports that van der Sloot has two close friends in Peidras Gordas. They are “Crazy David” Sanchez and “El Cholo” Payet, two soccer hooligans each serving 35 years for a homicide during a soccer game in 2011.

All this Beyoncé and Jay Z stuff had me kind of down about romance and companionship, but Joran van der Sloot’s storybook romance is proving that love isn’t dead. For now, at least!

I can’t decide which would be a better way to cope, emotionally, with the ickiness of almost all aspects of this story: watching Nancy Grace explode some forehead veins talking about this on TV or reading the New York Times version of this wedding announcement.