Montana Representative Fails in His Push to Ban Yoga Pants in Public

There’s a man in Montana imbued with more power than he should have who doesn’t like yoga pants. He doesn’t like them so much that he wants to make wearing them in public worthy of a large fine and a trip to jail.

The man is Rep. David Moore (R-Missoula) and he has simple needs. He didn’t like a group of naked bike riders that rolled through town last summer, and he is looking for a way to curtail their activities in the future. In the state of Montana, indecent exposure is when an individual shows their genitals to another person in an attempt to harass them; as amended via House Bill 365, indecent exposure would be defined by a person who knowingly or purposefully…

(a) exposes the person’s genitals, pubic hair, or anus or exposes the areola or nipple of the person’s breast with anything less than a fully opaque covering while in a public place or visible from a public place without taking reasonable precautions to prevent exposure, and disregards whether a reasonable person would be offended or alarmed by the act; or

(b) exposes any device, costume, or covering that gives the appearance of or simulates the genitals, pubic hair, anus region, or pubic hair region or exposes any device worn as a cover over the nipple or areola of the female breast that simulates and gives the realistic appearance of a nipple or areola while in a public place or visible from a public place without taking reasonable precautions to prevent exposure, and disregards whether a reasonable person would be offended or alarmed by the act.

The changes implemented by Moore stopped short of declaring breastfeeding in public an indecent act.

What does this have to do with workout clothing? During the hearing where he introduced the bill Tuesday, according to the AP, Moore reportedly “said tight-fitting beige clothing could be considered indecent exposure under his proposal.”

“Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway,” Moore later added.

Unfortunately for Moore, his plea to ban these stretchy pants failed: his colleagues voted unanimously to quash the bill. Clothing he did not try to ban that should be illegal in public: visors, fanny packs, bell-bottom jeans that are too short, tie-dye t-shirts, clear purses, ill-fitting suits, cargo shorts, dirty flip-flops and a myriad of other upsettingly graphic clothing choices.

“I don’t have a crystal ball,” Moore said when asked how his changes could have been enforced on a local level. If only! Then he could see his epitaph, which will read, “He wasted everyone’s time.”