Miley Cyrus' Birthday Party Was a Weed and Dildo Extravaganza

Of course she’s a Sagittarius. It all makes sense now.

Today is Miley Cyrus’ 22nd birthday, but girl spent all last night partying at what appeared to be a glitter muppet sex rave. It was basically a Tumblr dedicated to the 70s hippie throwback phase in the 90s. With more pizza. The affair was very heavy on the weed imagery and also heavy on the dildos. There were dildos coming out of the wall, there was a giant mechanical penis for people to ride—just a lot of peen happening. Ah, 22.

This all took place at LA’s Factory Nightclub—there was a sign in the venue that read “Miley’s Happyland,” complete with a rainbow, a unicorn and marijuana leaves, just welcoming the guests in. That and the bed with the sex doll.

Cyrus wore all neon everything from her Pretty Woman-style dress to her fur coat to her various hair accessories. She was joined by the likes of Wayne Coyne, Katy Weaver, Skye Ferreira, and Amason Ashley among others, and there was a giant pizza cake present, which I think is the most important part of all this.

Oh, and make-out buddy Patrick Swarzenegger was there to help eat the cake.

At some point “Super Freak” came on and she made a costume change, swapping her dress for cutoffs and possibly nipple pasties? Anyway, this tweet seems to sum everything up:

I am happy for her and her freedom and colors and weed, but this is honestly exhausting to look at. Seriously, my body is crashing and my brain feels drained of serotonin just looking at these photos. Aw fuck, I am too old for this, aren’t I? Noooo I was just starting to get cool. Dammit. Back to the drawing board. Happy Birthday, Miley.