Minnesota Congresswoman and firebrand head of the Congressional Whackadoodle Caucus went on the radio this weekend to talk about, I don't know, what she normally talks about I guess? Word barf that reads like Tea Party Magnetic poetry in a blender? But what she ended up talking about — in an excited, unsettlingly ecstatic tone, might I add — was Jesus, the end times, and how Obama's (fact check: nonexistent) partnership with al Qaeda means that soon the Book of Revelations will happen. It was spectacular.
First, let me get this out of the way: I appreciate Michele Bachmann on a level that's most people do not. She's made of pure hatred for humanity that has been subjected to unfathomable amounts of Minnesota Nice pressure for decades, resulting in a glittering, multifaceted diamond of oh gee gosh golly lunacy that just sparkles with crackling repression and ignorance. She's perfect.
But I understand that not everyone tilts as pro-hatereading the news as I do. So, with that in mind, the following clips, which were grabbed by the ever-vigilant Right Wing Watch, might be a lot for a person with normal pleasure centers.
The real money quotes start at about 1:35. Just read it, you guys. JUST READ IT.
This happened and as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s end times history.
This isn't to cause us fear. This is to cause us — I believe as believers in Jesus Christ — to grow up and mature in our faith and embrace. The prophets said they longed to look for this time. The prophets longed to look into the future, to see these days of His coming, and herald His coming. [...]
Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand,” Bachmann continued. “When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this; these days would be as the days of Noah.
Cool! (slowly backs away)
The rest of the interview was standard incendiary Bachmannese talk about Islam being an inherently violent faith comprised of mall-bombing Others. Others like Somalians, a large population of which lives in Minnesota and may someday bomb the Mall of America. No, Michele Bachmann isn't aware of any specific plans that "the Somalis" have to bomb the Mall of America, but she's just got a good, brown feeling that those immigrants (immigrants = terrorists) are plotting something. Here's some irony:
One thing that we need to specify is that the motivation is inspired from religion. It's from their religion of Islam. It's because they believe that those who don't agree with their religious interpretation need to be killed. Because they believe it's by force that they wanna force everyone into becoming Islamic. They want to establish a global governance called a Caliphate. They want everyone to come in it.
Here's a fun game I like to play with Michele Bachmann quotes about Islam: just replace "Islam" with "Michele Bachmann's brand of Evangelical Christianity" and the sentences become true!
Bachmann plans on retiring after her term ends in 2014, but hopefully she's got a long, hilarious career of wrong-headed punditry ahead of her. Besides, it's nice to hear a Republican say what she really thinks instead of coating it in layers of dog whistle speak.