Photo: screen grab via CNN

In an interview with my best friend Anderson Cooper on CNN, Melania Trump calmly addressed the insane amount of shit that has been flying around her husband, pilonidal cyst Donald Trump, and his treatment of women.

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The interview was a brief half hour of Melania carefully parroting the rhetoric her husband has used in an attempt to defend himself in the face of sexual assault allegations lodged against him by ten women. Mostly, she blamed the “left wing media” for the release of the tapes, calling into question the timing of the release. When asked by Cooper her thoughts on the nature of the language in the video, Melania brushed it off as “boys talk,”, equating the violent language used against women with mere braggadocio.

“He was led on — like, egged on — from the host to say dirty and bad stuff,” she said, blinking her eyes slowly while throwing a recently-unemployed-but-probably-fine Billy Bush under the bus. She went on to blame the release of the tapes themselves and the circumstances surrounding their release on the media: “It was left wing and left-wing media. You could see that. Everything was organized. Every Friday something comes out.”

Apparently, Melania and her hubs discussed PussyGate in private and he apologized for his words. She accepted his apology as is and ostensibly assumes that America will do the same. Donald Trump did apologize shortly thereafter the leak of the tapes, but his apology was tepid at best, like a kid apologizing to their little brother for stealing their blankey. He didn’t mean it, but he knew he had to do it and so he did.

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When asked about the women who accused Trump of sexual assault, Melania proved to us all that she will go down with this ship: “That’s him. He’s raw. He will say it how he feels it. I know he respects women but he is defending himself because they are all lies.”

Never mind that in a campaign rally Friday, Donald Trump denounced one of the women who accused him of sexual assault, saying “she would not be my first choice.” Cleary this man respects women. These are the words of a man who respects women.

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Election Day is imminent. Our long national nightmare will be over soon, one way or another.