Meet the Men of Congress's Powerful Douchebag Caucus
LatestThis week, boringly wacky Congressperson Trent Franks’ dumb, dumb, dumb 20 week abortion ban advanced one step closer to becoming a law at the federal level*. Helping his constitutionally flaccid bill along was an all-male chorus of YEA votes in the nincompoopery-intense House Judiciary Committee — or, as we’re going to call them from now on because we’re grown-ass bill-paying lease-signing tax-paying adults, the Congressional Douchebag Caucus. Congrats, guys!
If you get your jollies from laughing so you don’t cry at the dangerous lunatics running the country, then you’ll love the Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee. It’s got every cartoonish phobia a lady could want in a group of powerwhoring ideologues — xenophobia, homophobia, ladyphobia, and almost certainly kainotophobia. Let’s meet ’em!
Jim Sensennbrenner – Wisconsin’s 5th
🙁 – Once stormed out of a Judiciary Committee hearing on the Patriot Act and Iraq War (in violation of House Rules) because his feelings were hurt when Democrats brought up the issue of human rights violations at Gitmo.
🙂 – His official portrait is him standing in front of a storm holding a gavel with a Dalmatian. The only way it could be better is if he and the dog were playing poker, or if he were literally Howard Dean in a Canadian tuxedo.
Lamar Smith – Texas’s 21st
:(- His opposition to an effort to decriminalize cannabis was poorly received by tech savvy potheads, many of whom swarmed his Facebook page with meanie pants comments. Rather than address them, Smith took his Facebook page down, then put it back up with all of the comments deleted. Take that, internet! Further, with all sorts of anti-choice group endorsements Smith is so up in your womanparts that he knows before you do when you have a UTI. He didn’t vote yesterday, but you know he was there in spirit.
🙂– Graduated from a school called — not making this up — TMI.
Louis Gohmert – Texas’s 1st
🙁 – Is a birther. Just last month, he told a woman testifying at a Congressional hearing that she should have carried her fetus to term rather than have an abortion, even though the woman’s fetus didn’t have a functioning brain. Real huggable, empathetic guy, this one. Always wearing his thinking cap.
:)- Invented the hilarious but meaningless fearmongering phrase “terror babies.”