McGruff the Crime Dog Jailed for Drugs, Grenade Launcher

Texas actor John R. Morales has been sentenced to 16 years in prison for possession of drugs, weapons, and generally not taking a bite out of crime.

The former crime dog was arrested in 2011 after he was pulled over for speeding (McGruff!) and police found blueprints for two marijuana-growing facilities on his front seat and marijuana seeds just chilling in the trunk of his car, which CBS Houston is quick to point out is an Infiniti. (At least McGruff drove a car with an excellent safety rating? That’s a good car, right?)

During a search of Morales’ home, officers found “1,000 marijuana plants, 27 weapons – including a grenade launcher, and 9,000 rounds of ammunition” which the actor was probably using for research purposes. You can’t really teach kids about crimes if you haven’t committed them, right? I don’t know, because McGruff never came to my school; instead we got a group of people who taught us the gritty details of what each drug was like and in which unpleasant way each could kill you. They had certainly had experience (mainly in frightening adolescents).

Morales was sentenced last Monday and while he protested that he was non-violent, District Judge Vanessa Gilmore stated: “Everything I read about you makes you seem like a scary person.”