The rapper who dried up everyone's vagina and ripped a new tear in NYC hipsters' New Religion pants is back at it. Rapper Awkwafina just released a new song called "Mayor Bloomberg (Giant Margaritas)," an endearing song to the Mayor. Nah, it's just a giant middle finger to his proposed soda ban with a really hot beat. The message: don't take away our giant margaritas, too.
In the song, Awkwafina raps:
Please don't take my freedom / my giant margarita...I ain't tryin go to MoMa / I ain't tryin' to drink mimosas / I ain't tryin to join a book club...Mayor Mike Bloomberg help me understand / are giant margaritas also gonna get banned?
Awkwafina is like this city's (and this century's) Patrick Henry. Instead of that whole eloquent deal about "give me liberty or give me death," she's like, give me liberty and my margaritas and then give me death in an Applebee's restroom. It's important to note, however, that the soda ban would not ban alcoholic beverages. But if it did, can we at least get Sarah Palin to chug a giant margarita in protest at a public event?!?!
In the middle of the video, Awkwafina jokingly reveals that she is double gooched. It's a lovely response to the public that is obsessed with labeling her as a female Asian rapper and not just a rapper. Because you know, now we have another unnecessary physical element to label her by, and it's so important that we do call her a double gooched, Asian female rapper. By the way, raise your hand if you had to look up the word "gooch" on Urban Dictionary. You're welcome for the lovely imagery.
Anyways, Cinco de Drinko, I mean Mayo, Cinco de Mayo, might as well begin today. So stick it to the mayor and do some regretful body shots on Wall Street douchebags and chug that giant marg with pride.