Maybe Don't 'Prank' Your Boyfriend By Prank Breaking Up With Him

Here’s the thing about April Fools’: It sucks. Pranks are all well and good when you’re five years old and the only thing you can do is drool and make up some joke about being a space monster or something, but when you’re an adult and try to raise the stakes, that shit gets real. Here’s a tip from me to you: Never pretend to break up as your April Fools’ prank.

One woman, who obviously has not met me, didn’t think before she sent her boyfriend a hilarious text telling him that she wanted to break up because she “wasn’t happy,” which is also the dumbest reason to break up with someone. I am also often unhappy, but that’s usually to do with the fact that every day I live on this earth is a day I stand just a little closer to death and realize that no matter how hard I struggle against mortality no one will remember me 100 years from now unless I get a genocide together soon or something.

But that’s just me. For Hayleigh McBay (real name), saying she was unhappy worked just a little too well:

Ouch, but also kind of deserved fro pulling that shit on someone you claim to be “your fav person ever” (unless that is his real name, which fucking rules, actually). What did you expect Hayleigh? That he was just going to start crying? If my partner pulled that shit on me, I would immediately change the locks and sell half of his possessions because that is just the kind of HBIC I am and if he tried to call me on it, I would just put on The Backstreet Boys’ “Quit Playing Games With My Heart” and maybe give him half the money I made off selling his Mac Book.

Ooh, shirtless Kevin!

Fortunately for Hayleigh, it turns out that her boyfriend figured out it was a joke before she even told him. According to Stacey Ritzen at Uproxx (who is also very against April Fools’ and might have blocked me on gchat after I tried to pull one on her this morning), when people started questioning whether the texts were genuine or not, Hayleigh owned up and tweeted that her boyfriend figured the whole thing out on his own.

Next year, I suggest that Hayleigh do something more daring than pretending to break up with David. Maybe she should just change her name to a traditional spelling and see how people react? Much more subtle and fun!