Jason’s penis is not this big. That’s Chris Hemsworth in the movie Vacation (with a prosthetic peen)

A 35-year-old man from New York is currently loving his new penile implant, which he got after hearing his ex-fiancée complain about his dick size.

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Jason is his name, and he sounds solemn when describing the pre-implant emotions that led him to seek a penile enhancement. Jason’s pre-op penis measured three inches. “It caused me to question my sexuality,” he says. “I just figured that these were the cards I had been dealt and nothing could be done.”

From Page Six:

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Then a year or so later — still smarting from the breakup — Jason was listlessly Googling “penile enhancement” and reading through reams of scam offers when he came across California-based urologist Dr. James Elist, who promotes such seemingly impossible dreams on his website. A jolly man of 66, Elist believed he could substantially increase Jason’s 3-inch member.

So Jason booked an appointment at Elist’s Beverly Hills practice, the only spot that performs the surgery. Elist invented a customizable penile implant, which he describes as “a 270-degree tube made of very soft silicone, shaped like your penis from the base to the head.” It’s apparently firmer than what’s used for breast implants.

The actual procedure sounds like something. According to Elist:

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“It gets inserted into the member via a small incision in the groin and the girth immediately increases by about 2 inches. Same with the length. If you were 3 inches flaccid and 5 inches erect, 3 goes to 5 and 5 goes to 6 on average.” After two or three years, weight from the implant will stretch the penis by an additional half-inch or so.

Jason is happy with the results, which is nice considering all the penis enhancement ads/scams we hear on a daily basis.

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“When they removed the bandages, I looked down and had an out-of-body experience,” he says. “I was speechless. It was as large soft as it had previously been hard. It just hung down. All I could think about was what my ex would have said.”

You’re wondering: Has Jason had sex with this thing yet?

After waiting two months (four weeks is suggested post-op), yes he did. “She didn’t get to see it that night, but she definitely felt it,” he says of his partner. “In fact, last month, three months after meeting, we got engaged to be married — and she has no complaints at all.”

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Didn’t see that coming! Big.

At least, that’s what she said.


Contact the author at clover@jezebel.com.

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Image via YouTube screengrab