Ari Nagel, who has an underground sperm distribution system well-documented by The New York Post, isn’t actually the kindly jizz benefactor we’d all thought we’d finally found.


It turns out there are no good men masturbating in public restrooms to help women. On June 12, an article about Nagel showcased his generosity, explaining that he’s sired 22 children by giving away his seed. Sometimes he even very graciously had sex with women in same-sex couples, but it’s not how it sounds, okay?

“I’m not doing it for easy action,” Nagel says. “Isn’t that what Tinder is for?”

He often uses public bathrooms, like those at Target and at Starbucks shops, to procure his samples and hand them off to ovulating women.

“You don’t want to do it in one where people are knocking,” he notes.

At the time of this interview, Nagel admitted that he had one child which he is involved in raising—a 12-year-old who he had within in a committed relationship, though he characterized that relationship as being in the past. Nowadays, his hobby can make dating difficult, but he doesn’t shy away from the subject “if it comes up”—because, as Nagel says,“Never underestimate the desperation of a single woman on the Upper West Side.”


If your “this man is a monster” senses are tingling, know that his wife Roxanne Nagel apparently had no idea any of this was going on. In addition to the the 12-year-old mentioned above, they have daughters, who are 2 and 5. What a way to find out your husband has been cheating on you:

His wife of a decade, Roxanne, is “devastated” by the news and “had no idea this was happening,” the tipster said.

Nagel now confesses that he is indeed married, adding that his wife is “livid,” and “she’s been yelling at me a lot.” But he maintains that their relationship hasn’t been romantic in years.

Outside the family’s apartment building Friday, Roxanne told The Post: “I have nothing to say. What’s done is done.”

Nagel claims that his wife knew all along but: “She didn’t support it. She always wanted me to be a regular, traditional spouse.”

Since Nagel’s story blew up he says he has been inundated with requests from women who want his magic splooge, which he insists has an astronomically high sperm count. Though the women attempting to board this crazy train may know what they’re getting into, let’s not attribute any more benevolence to this man than we absolutely must.

Image via The Post.