Majestic Capybara Debased By Adorable Puppies Crawling All Over Him

By Mark Shrayber | September 2, 2014 | 9:10pm

JoeJoe the capybara, an internet celebrity who often gallivants through life in stylish costumes, has finally had it. He’ll do a lot for stardom, but you can see in the look in his squinty little eyes that having puppies use him as some kind of play structure wasn’t in his contract. He will burn down everything those puppies love. He will make those puppies pay for what they’ve done to him.

Of course, this is only my fantasy, taken from an extensive knowledge of how rodents feel and think. JoeJoe could very well be different than the hamster who I foolishly brought to school only to have her bite the face of a young lady whom I did not like. He could also be different than the guinea pig, who once climbed, squeaking happily upon a friend’s shoulder (to my assurances that he was nice) and then let out a waterfall of ammonia that he had been saving all day. So sure, JoeJoe could be delighted by what’s going on. But he could also be planning revenge of the most horrific and adorable proportions. I’d watch that movie.