Let's Fantasy-Cast Next Year's Oscar Presenters!Lindy West3/03/14 7:00pmFiled to: academy awardsoscarstvmoviesoscar hosts681EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkI hosted a live Oscars viewing party at a Seattle club last night, which required me to stand on a stage next to a giant screen and crack jokes during the commercial breaks. Pretty tough to screw up, right? But at one point—somewhere around Channing Tatum o'clock—my boyfriend texted me from the crowd: "You really need to move out of the spotlight if you're going to look that bored." Oops. A few minutes later, some friends texted that they were running out to catch an 8 pm screening of 12 Years a Slave. I guess they decided that would be less grueling.But, come on, it's not REALLY my fault. Is it? At least this year's Oscars weren't as lazily, vagina-numbingly offensive as last year's—I actually thought Ellen did a pretty good job, despite that Liza joke and despite the pizza bit that would not die and despite shoehorning 450 references to social media into every fucking sentence (as if the producers were desperate to declare WE ARE YOUNG SHOW FOR TEEN PEOPLES, WE UNDERSTAND HOW TO MAKE COOL TEEN JOKE COMPUTER JOKE PLEASE GIVE US UR TEEN MONEYS HASHTAG SKATEBOARD!!!!!)—but in the absence of Seth McFarlane's distractingly outlandish shittiness, the show was laid bare for what it really is. A big room full of rich people jacking off in the mirror.