Laundry Capsules Are About To Taste Awful Thanks to Dumb Poisoned Kids

Just when you start thinking our world is getting safer, our brightest hopes for the future find a new way to accidentally kill themselves while in the home. Apparently, kids all over the EU have been poisoning themselves on laundry capsules because they think the bright packages meant to wash clothes are candy. Dummies!

According to the BBC, the European Commission is taking this issue very seriously—laundry capsule poisonings continue to go up among children under five—and has decided that the only way to prevent kids from continuing to poison themselves by gorging on detergent is by ruining it for the adults. Laundry capsules will now come in ugly, non-transparent packages which will taste like shit. No, they didn’t taste good before, but you know how kids are: they’ll eat anything as long as it won’t literally burn their mouths off (and even then…), so the commission has decided that the laundry packets need to taste even worse than they did before. One way that manufacturers will make sure that children won’t swallow any more laundry detergent? Bitrex.

From the BBC:

“We see aversive agents like Bitrex as a last line of defence,” said business manager Gina Mercier.

“It isn’t a substitute for safe storage and child-resistant packaging, but as most liquitab incidents take place when they are in use, Bitrex is a final reassurance for parents.

“Bitrex is the bitterest substance in the world, and its inclusion makes it almost impossible for even the most determined child to swallow a potentially dangerous detergent.”

The bitterest substance in the world! And I bet a kid will still prove them wrong. Have you met small children? They’re nothing if not determined!

Let’s hope these rules don’t come to the U.S. anytime soon. I don’t care so much about the Bitrex, but what about that non-transparent packaging? How will we be able to tell which cleaning agent is best if we can’t see which one has the prettiest colors?