Ladies, Let's Close the Gender Gap on Being Potheads

I’d like to propose a grassroots movement that involves a lot of grass and very little movement. I’m talking about girls smoking weed. Because how are we even supposed to reach that glass ceiling unless we get lifted?

If it sounds like I’m advocating pot-smoking as some form of feminist activism it’s because I am. If that sounds like a pipe dream it’s because it is. Pun intended. Also, it’s not a pun, it’s just literal. I came up with the idea when I was stoned.

When it comes to cultural representations, it’s generally accepted that the world of weed is a guy thing. Citing marijuana gender data—which shows that twice as many men smoke pot as women—Salon‘s Hayley Krischer suggests that women do smoke pot but just don’t like to admit it “out of fear of being judged or compared to a cartoon.”

I’ve been guilty of that in the past—not of being afraid of being compared to a cartoon, but afraid of being judged. Last year I wrote a post about how I’m a mother that smokes pot, but I published it anonymously because I wussed out at the last minute. It struck me as a pointless measure, even at the time, because it’s not like I’d ever kept my weed habit a secret before. But that was back when I was a new mom and cared about the kind of new-mom shit that I roll my eyes at now, like sterilizing binkies that fall on the floor or having a couch without stains all over it.

Frankly, I’m ashamed of my own shaming. (BTW, this is your official notice that “stoner-shaming” has been added to the shame docket of feminism.) When people think of a “stoner” they think of someone who sits around all day, with greasy hair, in pajamas on the couch, watching TV or playing video games, laughing at stupid shit, and eating junk food. It’s a method of relaxation for males that is totally acceptable and even kind of endearing.

For women, it’s a different story. We aren’t allowed to be lazy and we sure as shit aren’t supposed to be sitting around eating junk food. We’re supposed to be cooking and cleaning and studying and making a living and exercising and dieting and applying makeup and planning weddings and raising children and helping others and going, going, going. To put it not-so-simply, sloth is the bolo tie of the seven deadly sins: it’s not a good look, but for some reason, men have more success with pulling it off.

I just feel like people would react differently to hearing that a 34-year-old dad who was home alone spent all of Saturday in his pajamas, smoking pot, playing Plants Vs. Zombies 2, and watching the first Jackass movie than they would if it were a 34-year-old mom.

Here’s the thing, whenever we harshly judge women for being lazy (or slutty or gluttonous or greedy or whatever), it’s often because they are acting like men. Which means that they’re acting like people. And if you have a problem with that, then yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.