Kim Kardashian Gave Birth To A Baby Girl [Updates]

LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND EVERYONE ELSE: Kim Kardashian is currently in the process of delivering her publicity. I mean, her press release. I mean, her baby.

The baptism will be held at no church in the wild.

[UPDATE]

@jessicacoen I will give @jezebel EXCLUSIVE rights to my 1st interview IF u agree not to ask any questions about my relationship with Ashton

— AmericasBaby (@AmericasBaby1) June 15, 2013

More as the story emerges, then the placenta, then the tiny iPhone.

[UPDATE]

TMZ reports that Kim gave birth to a 5-weeks-premature but generally healthy baby girl.