Justin Bieber Touched a Stripper's Butt with His Wizard Fingers

Yesterday, we all learned that Justin Bieber isn’t just an incredibly rich and expertly-coiffed pop star — he’s also magic. How else can one explain the spell he cast over a Texas stripper when, during his Friday-night gamboling, he touched her on the butt?

The Tale of Justin Bieber’s Wizard Fingers has since taken off, prompting the depressingly predictable Twitter ire of Bieber fans who are really pissed at the stripper for doing her job. Thanks for underachieving, Internet. [TMZ]

Beyoncé went base-jumping in New Zealand just to illustrate how boring your life is. [TMZ]
Um, so Dina Eastwood is also some sort of magician or enchantress because she just bought a small truckload of healing crystals, which she will use to help eradicate estranged husband Clint Eastwood‘s negative mana from her body. [TMZ]
Jenna Jameson lost her $2 million mansion in the Hollywood Hills to foreclosure, but she still has a house in Orange County so it’s not the biggest deal. I mean, all the good snack foods were in the Hollywood Hills house, but the economy is rough and we all have to tighten our belts. [TMZ]
Did Emilia Clarke…sorry, The Khaleesi suffer a secret brain aneurysm while filming Game of Thrones? If you give any credence to reports in the National Enquirer, then the answer is maybe (but probably not). Still, I’ll bet you feel a little bad now for making fun of her acting chops. [Zap 2 It]
Paula Abdul joined the judging panel on So You Think You Can Dance…in Australia. [Daily Telegraph]
Oh God, Rashida Jones — what are you doing? [Twitter, ONTD]

Kris Jenner feasted on the remains of Kardashian familiar Jonathan Cheban‘s soul (it tasted like rosemary, which was really just a bonus, but still — tender mercies and all that). [E!]
Danielle Fishel…sorry, Topanga married some off-brand Corey Matthews, who has spiky hair in place of curly hair. [Us]
Ellen gave some waitress $10,000 and will now wait patiently for her Nobel Prize. Still waiting, Sweden. Hop to it. [E!]
Kylie and Kendall Jenner went to a fashion show with Scott Disick and hung out with a much older club promoter (the pictures make it seem slightly less gross than it sounds). [TMZ]
Padma Lakshmi said she gains “15 pounds” during every season of Top Chef. That 15 pounds of extra Lakshmi then detaches itself, grows into a full Lakshmi clone, and starts a new cooking competition show for Bravo. [NYDN]
A Change.org petition is calling for celebrities and magazines and retailers (oh my) to stop working with minor Batman villain Terry Richardson. [HuffPo]
Sir Christopher Lee is 91, still working, and, as of yesterday, the proud new recipient of a fellowship from the British Film Institute and plaudits from Johnny Depp. Rock on, dude. [Telegraph]