The brain of director/trash enthusiast John Waters is one of America’s most valuable natural resources, so it comes as no surprise that his appearance on last night’s episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert was six minutes of bliss. Promoting his upcoming A John Waters Christmas tour, Waters discussed his Thanksgiving plans and his collection of dangerous Christmas toys.

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His most incisive comments, though, were about the election, which he says shocked him, though he’s not one to perform outrage (“When people say ‘I’m leaving the country,’ no one cares. Go ahead.”). “Trump at least has met a gay person,” he said, saying the VP-elect Mike Pence is the real one to be scared of for his anti-LGBT politics. Regarding Pence’s plan to divert money for HIV/AIDS to conversion therapy, Waters said, “Even Pence wouldn’t want me to be straight. What would I be doing: the Electric Slide and ogling Tiffany Trump?” He also believes that Pence “got what he deserved” when he was booed and admonished at Hamilton on Friday.

“He better be careful if he goes back to Broadway,” said Waters. “I hope he doesn’t go to the revival of Bette Midler in Hello Dolly – because those chorus boys’ll come out and give him a new kind of [bleeped and unintelligible but undoubtedly clever.]”

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As to what Waters wants for Christmas, he said he wants to start a sex club in which gay men and lesbians will have sex, thereby creating a new strain of heterosexuality. It would be, as they say, a Christmas miracle.