Is Sofia Vergara the Worst Human Being Alive?

Or just the most vulgar and out-of-touch? That's the question on my mind after reading the profile in this month's Harper's Bazaar, in which the actress whines about how her (Jewish!) business manager is such a buzzkill about her Birkin habit and explains that the success of Modern Family has finally allowed her to pursue her true calling — endorsements.

Vergara, who grew up in wealth in Colombia, currently has five Hermès Birkin bags, which start at around $9,000. Her son, Manolo, disapproves of this:

"I tell Manolo, 'If I don't have enough money for your college this month, you have to sell the Birkins.' My business manager is very traditional, Jewish guy. Every time I buy one of those, he calls me and says, 'Sofia, it's Craig. Did you buy this, or is it a fraud?' I'm like, 'Craig, listen … what would you prefer? Me popping champagne bottles and doing drugs and wasting money or buying bags? These are valuable. These, Manolo can sell!'"

Her favorite thing about Modern Family, the show that makes Vergara the highest-paid woman in television?


"I would be lying to you if I didn't say the success of it. For me, it has allowed me to do the things I always wanted—my endorsements."

It's just wonderful how her day job as an actor has made it possible for Vergara to finally pursue her dream — shilling. She even has a Kmart line specifically geared to poors!

Vergara mentions, twice, that she totally thinks she could play "a psychopath." But she's not gunning for "serious" roles. "It's not like I go to my agent and say, 'You have to make me in Schindler's List 2.'


In the video/very unsubtle ad for the restaurant Serendipity 3 that accompanies the story, Vergara shows off her new Hermès Kelly bag and eats a $1,000 gold-leaf covered ice-cream sundae. The sundae they mocked on 30 Rock. A record-breaking 47.8 million Americans are currently on food stamps.

Sofia Vergara's Modern Love [HB]