Internet Rejoices Over Chris Brown's Seemingly Imminent Imprisonment (Update)S

The pop music villain named Chris Brown — a man who literally lives in a goblin fortress — is the focus of an LAPD probe that could, reports a giddy TMZ, earn him some prison time.

Brown was apparently involved in a minor fender-bender earlier this week, and everything would have been just peachy had he simply exchanged his insurance information with the other driver like a normal citizen. Instead, Brown initially refused to trade info with the woman whose car he hit. When pressed, he offered her some fictional insurance info before abruptly leaving the scene of the accident. Leaving the scene of an accident without fully disclosing one's info against the law, and, since Brown is currently on probation for assaulting Rihanna, he could be facing up to four years of prison. [TMZ]

Update: Chris Brown now claims that rumors of his impending arrest are untrue, and, moreover, that the other motorist is at fault for ducking Brown's attempts to trade info. [TMZ]

  • Sadly, on the heels of news that Angelina Jolie had undergone a double mastectomy to reduce her higher genetic risk of breast cancer, the actress's aunt, Debbie Martin, passed away from breast cancer early Sunday morning. [E!]
  • The Memorial Day weekend had an inauspicious start for Sugar Bear — the Honey Boo Boo patriarch took a trip to the hospital after succumbing to a dizzy spell Friday night. [Access Atlanta]
  • A 23-year-old Canadian man has been arrested and charged with stalking Jennifer Lawrence's brother and insisting in the creepiest way possible that he be put in touch with the Oscar-winning actress. [NYDN]
  • Demi Lovato echoed Rihanna by assuring the hopelessly ordinary masses that it is in fact possible for one to have fun without drinking. [E!]
  • Donald Glover's Twitter account, Childish Gambino, was stripped of all its tweets, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. [HipHop DX]
  • Amanda Bynes has forged ahead with her Twitter onslaught, criticizing media reports that the vase she threw out of her apartment window was really a bong, which is ludicrous, of course. Who would throw away a perfectly intact bong? [E!]
  • According to the Daily Mail, Jason Statham, pride of the phrenological community, is subsisting on a strict diet of spinach and rice in preparation for a movie role that calls for him to be lean and flavorless. [News Au]
  • After splitting with Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson has trundled his belongings back to his own home, where he can sit on a throne of material possessions and weep over the inconstancy of young love. [E!]
  • Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul married Lauren Parsekian in Malibu on Sunday, in what some news outlets have unfortunately described as the methiest wedding in recent memory. [E!]
  • That's Dr. Ben Affleck to you, or, if you prefer alliteration, Dr. Daredevil. [Telegraph]
  • Adele always wears Spanx on the red carpet, says Adele's official Spanx-fitter. [Daily Mail]
  • When Anna Kendrick met Ryan Reynolds' Amazonian wife Blake Lively on the set of The Voices, she was immediately intimidated: "She's so tall too, I've met her before, years and years ago, and every time I see her, her height surprises me. She could totally kick my ass!" [Film News]
  • Justin Bieber decided that it'd be a great idea to lift his shirt and show off his post-workout abdominal muscles to a paparazzo that, based on the aerial view in the photograph, is clearly some sort of bee-human hybrid. [Daily Mail]
  • If there were to be another Harry Potter movie at some point in the future, Daniel Radcliffe is totally down to do a cameo as Harry's dad, James Potter. [Telegraph]
  • And finally, in news of hilarious quotes, here is Padma Lakshmi on her tenure as Top Chef host: "We've eaten a lot of testicles...We've eaten a lot of duck testicles on TV." [E!]

Image via Getty, David Becker