Photo: Getty

Lauren Conrad is having a baby. So is Whitney Port. Jason Wahler—L.C.’s ex!— and his wife are expecting, too. Maybe it’s because they’re all married and of the baby-making age. Or, maybe it’s because they’re colluding to put their babies on TV in a Laguna Beach/The Hills-spinoff in 18 to 20 years or so, because life is a beautiful mystery and also because of money.

This is nothing more than a conspiracy theory at best, bolstered by the news that people who once appeared on television in a heavily-scripted and very popular reality program are now married and are doing what married people sometimes do, which is have children.

Advertisement

But! Consider the timing —suspect, no? How likely is it that a group of people who were famously friends all somehow start families at the same time? Life, as they say, works in mysterious ways. But, what else are they doing, really? Whitney and Lauren both have clothing labels and lifestyle brands. I don’t know what Jason Wahler does, really. These endeavors are lucrative, sure, but imagine this! Can’t you see it? Doesn’t it make sense?

Sometime in the far-enough future, the reality television industrial complex will seek out newer, younger personalities and with the kids of the Hills alumni, the peg is already firmly in place. This is what the future will hold. We will watch the children of reality television stars in their own reality television shows, while floating around in those weird hover-chairs from WALL-E.

Maybe the answer to this question which isn’t really a question at all is contained in the lyrics to the theme song from Laguna Beach—a prophecy laid out by Hillary Duff. “Let’s go back,” she sings. “Back to the beginning/Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned.”


It’s right there! It’s in the song. Or, maybe this is just a happy coincidence. Congrats to the Hills alumni who are having babies. I cannot wait to watch the spin-off in 2037. I know it will be great.