Primarily, I learned that she’s freaking adorable and that she handles the tedious task of making this video with aplomb and grace and what I feel is the teensiest bit of delicious exasperation. Simone!
As the gold medalist walks through the baller gym that her parents built for her and answers the insistent, pre-planned questions of the disembodied dude holding the camera, I learned some very important things about her, the best of which is that her most overused phrase is an exasperated “UGH.” Me too, Simone! Me too.
She cries at Marley and Me. She wants to meet Jennifer Lawrence because they “both fell down the stairs.” Her favorite ice cream is cookies and cream. Her favorite fan moment is “girls screaming and crying” when they notice that she’s there. If she and Zac Efron were to have a celebrity couple nickname, it would be “Zimone.” ZIMONE!!!
When asked by the disembodied man wielding a camera as if he were shooting a cheerier sequel to Cloverfield what gold tastes like, she casually unzips her jacket, takes a bite out of her medal and says, “Not much.” Nothing will beat the effervescent lunacy of Sarah Jessica Parker’s wacky entry in this series, but watching Simone Biles calmly bounce on a trampoline while entertaining this man’s questions comes pretty damn close.