'I Can Just Take an Uber Back to Malibu': Overheard At Coachella

Week one of the 2015 Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival is over, but the memories will remain forever. Here is a small collection of some of those memories.

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“Where’s the water?”

“This is fucking wack.”

“Sorry, I might throw up. You don’t want to see this.”

– A young woman at 3:20 pm on the first day of Coachella

“No anti-semitism at Coachella!”

– One of these girls

“I made $550 doing absolutely nothing.”

– Fabio’s twin brother, I think

“It’s sushi. You can get, like, hand rolls.”

“Their lyrics are so deep.”

– A dad

“I wanna go. I don’t wanna watch this.”

– An unnamed Victoria’s Secret model at the Steely Dan show

“Yeah! Let’s hear it for the old people!”

“I wonder if Nev [Schulman] is going to Alexa Chung’s pool party.”

– Kara Brown

“I had to call in my Drake favor.”

“I’m staying with a friend who’s DJing here.”

“Give me the fur. Give me the fur.”

– A woman stopping her friend after her fur vest got caught in the door of a Porta Potty

“Do I look like everybody else?”

– A guy who looked like everybody else

“Do you guys know The Neighbourhood? Yeah, the band The Neighbourhood? Well, I’m friends with one of the guys in the band.”

“Are those printed on nipples? Just wear a mesh top. Those don’t look better than your own ones.”

– Jane Marie

“Did you see the guy in the bear costume?”

“I’m fat. I’m cute. And I can dance, bitch.”

– Killer Mike

“It’s cold now.”

“I had a struggle finding my tampon.”

“It smells so bad here.”

“Make way for our celebrity friend.”

– A group of women wearing pasties

“They’re, like, normal toilets in, like, a thing, ya know?”

“Weddings are, like, the best things. I just want to go to weddings.”

“I want to sterilize my hands.”

“Sometimes I pray to God at night and hope I can become you someday.”

– A teen

“I can’t eat vegan shit. I’m, like, allergic to it.”

“Shit is flowing around here.”

“I’m not gonna answer it. Why is she calling me?”

“She’s alone and all scared.”

“I feel like my legs are, like, broken”

“I can just take an Uber back to Malibu.”

“Oh my god they have sandwiches! They have sandwiches and they’re eating our sandwiches.”

“The worst part of my job is not ever being able to talk to girls.”

“Do you ski?”

“Does he care that we have a show to get to?”

“Please have sex with meeee!!!!”

– A teen screaming at Drake

Goodbye, Coachella.

Image via Getty.

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