Today, in an experience I shared with many other users of the internet, my life shifted a little bit. Scrolling through Twitter, I was confronted by images of Justin Bieber in the nude, and in particular with Justin Bieber’s big dick.
I said aloud, without thinking, “Welp, I have now seen Justin Bieber’s big dick.”
Unfortunately, I was working from home when this happened, and my significant other was working in the next room. Normally a very loud individual who yells all day without thinking, he was suspiciously quiet upon this admission—almost as though he did not know what to say. As a straight, cis male, he rarely responds to anything with utter silence; had Justin Bieber’s big dick silenced my partner? How could I ensure that he felt comfortable enough to speak, and that he had the room to do so?
Recognizing that Justin Bieber’s big dick was captured with a ridiculously long lens in what was ostensibly a remote island location at a private residence (in Bora Bora!), here are a few helpful pointers to help those of us who are astonished by the appearance of Justin Bieber’s giant wang in our Twitter timelines talk to our significant others, and hopefully make this relationship last.
Be Honest.
If you accidentally saw Justin Bieber’s dick or even if you went looking for it, there’s no reason to pretend otherwise. Human beings have a natural curiosity and the internet is here to fulfill that. When telling your significant other about Justin Bieber’s dick, go ahead and come right out and say that you googled it, just like you would mention Wikipedia’ing important facts about Dwight D. Eisenhower or looking for recommendations for a dermatologist in your area in the search engine of your choice. (If you regularly use Bing!, though, you might want to lie about that.)
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
