¡HOLA! Season 1000 of The Bachelor starring Latin Lover Juan Pablo begins this week in a two-night extravaganza of love, loss, self-tanner and Forever 21 dresses. This year's batch of women are beautiful, special snowflakes who are perfect in their own individual way. No, that's a lie: I crunched the numbers and they're all uncannily similar.
Every season, ABC puts out biographies for each Bachelor and Bachelorette contestant in order to get people stoked about the future potential love of this person they don't know's life. (See: the best GIF of all time). What these bios end up doing instead is clarifying the fact that very specific types of men and women tend to end up on these shows. After breaking down the bios of the most recent four seasons of The Bachelor, I discovered that if you are a woman who possesses the following qualities and interests, you are a Bachelor shoe-in.