How to Build the Perfect Bachelor Contestant

¡HOLA! Season 1000 of The Bachelor starring Latin Lover Juan Pablo begins this week in a two-night extravaganza of love, loss, self-tanner and Forever 21 dresses. This year’s batch of women are beautiful, special snowflakes who are perfect in their own individual way. No, that’s a lie: I crunched the numbers and they’re all uncannily similar.

Every season, ABC puts out biographies for each Bachelor and Bachelorette contestant in order to get people stoked about the future potential love of this person they don’t know’s life. (See: the best GIF of all time). What these bios end up doing instead is clarifying the fact that very specific types of men and women tend to end up on these shows. After breaking down the bios of the most recent four seasons of The Bachelor, I discovered that if you are a woman who possesses the following qualities and interests, you are a Bachelor shoe-in.

Live in Florida or California

10 contestants from the past four seasons of The Bachelor were from Florida, 10 from California. (What do they say about the sun melting braincells?) The Chicago area was the next popular location to live in, with six women hailing from that portion of the Midwest.

Be named Ashley/Ashlee, Chantel/Shawntel/Chantal, Lindsay/Lindzi/Lyndsie…

As previously noted, Bachelor contestants are consistent about names but not about spellings. See: Lacy/ey, Nikki/Nicki, Diana/Dianna, Kristy/Cristy/Christy, Lesley/ie, Rachel/Raichel, Brittney/nee etc etc.

Be between 24 and 26 years old

The vast majority of Bachelor contestants are 24, 25 or 26. The numbers drastically drop off at age 27. There have been but a few 21 and 22 year olds who have attempted to find love on the show and only ten aged 30 and over have tried.

Be employed in a beauty-related industry

The past four seasons of the Bachelor have seen six women who were makeup artists, hair stylists or personal shoppers, five models/singers/dancers, four models and two personal trainers/yoga instructors

Other popular jobs include “consultant,” “entrepreneur,” student, bartender/waitress nanny, lawyer, teacher and real estate agent. Two women were in death-related fields (funeral home owner) Notable but not popular jobs include artist, free spirit, mineral coordinator, Jumbotron operator, apparel merchant and oil field account manager.

Read Eat, Pray Love

The most popular favorite books and authors for Bachelor contestants include “anything by Jodi Picoult,” Twilight, Dr. Seuss, Candace Bushnell, Nicholas Sparks and, of course, Eat, Pray, Love. Other highlights: “no matter what people say James Frey’s A Million Little Pieces,” Atlas Shrugged, The Best Advice I Ever Got, Sassy, Single and Satisfied, the Bible and J.K. Rowling.

Listen to The Beatles or the Dave Matthews Band

John Lennon would be proud to know he is as beloved by Bachelor contestants as DMB.

Watch Home Alone 2 and The Notebook

While The Notebook was the most popular movie for Bachelor contestants, Home Alone 2 was a confusingly close second.

Like orchids

Orchids were OVERWHELMINGLY named favorite flower. Related: orchids are beautiful.

Subsist on a diet of fruit, nuts and Diet Coke

When asked to name what snacks like they liked the best, Bachelor contestants mostly enjoyed healthy, “organic” foods. Except for the one girl who said she liked Hot Cheetos. You go, that one girl.