How Do You Top Sharknado? I Have Some Ideas!

YO, SyFy! Up top! Big week for you guys! I think we can all agree that Sharknado was a massive hit—I mean, I don't know if anyone actually watched it, but that chainsaw gif was ace, and we all had a lovely time riffing on Twitter. But what do you do next? How do you top Sharknado and Ice Spiders and Mongolian Death Worm and Komodo vs. Cobra and Chupacabra vs. the Alamo (starring Erik Estrada!) and—my personal favorite, the reason the alphabet was invented—Mansquito? I totally understand if you're feeling a little lost right now.

But DON'T FRET, BRO. I put on my thinking cap (pro bono!) and came up with some SyFy Original movie titles for you. There aren't any plot synopses or whatever, because, let's face it: nobody actually watches this shit to find out what "happens." We're just in it for the puns and the hashtags and the Steve Sanders.

So go nuts! YOU'RE WELCOME. (Casting note: All of these movies will star Ian Ziering.)

Dragun
Tagline: Part Dragon, Part Gun, All Ticked Off.

Global Parming
Tagline: SAY CHEESE, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Pelicannibals
Tagline: Who Ate All the Pelicans?

Deep Blue Pee
Tagline: See, It's Like the Ocean, but It's Pee.

Brainstorm
Tagline: Mommy, Why Is the Sky Gray?

Red Tide
Tagline: Bivalve or DIEVALVE?

Tsullami
Tagline: Watch Out. They Spit.

Bronsoon Season
Tagline: It's Raining Charles Bronson. And He's Mad.

Lobsterricane
Tagline: OW.

Velocirapture
Tagline: They've Learned How to Open Doors. To Heaven.

Octohorse
Tagline: No More Mister Nice Horse.

Billy Bigmouth Bassacre
Tagline: Take Me to the River. To DIE.

Men Who Pee Bees
Tagline: P.B. & DEATH.

Traffic Clam
Tagline: You're Going to Be Late.

Jizzard
Tagline: It's Really Coming Down Out There.

Everyone in the World Simultaneously Gets Stuck in an Elevator with Jeremy Piven
Tagline: AND HE HASN'T HAD HIS NAP.

Texas Orangutansaw Massacre?
Tagline: I don't know. Orangutans with saws kill everyone in Texas? Does it fucking matter? I don't give a shit, just see if we can get Freddie Prinze Jr.