Hey, Nicki, Girl: Dump Meek Mill

Due to tragic circumstances, Nicki Minaj is not currently a close, personal friend of mine. However, if she was, I would be dragging her to the closest margarita happy hour, sitting her beautiful ass down and serving her this real, harsh talk: Dump Meek Mill.

You don’t have to do it right this second, I’d say—you guys are on tour together, after all, and that could make things awkward and fuck up your check—but as soon as that’s all over, move on. Meek is cute and all and he certainly seems to be into you and ordinarily that might be enough. But, he’s been acting a straight clown lately and you don’t need that messiness in your life.

For starters, Nicki got out of a ten year relationship last fall and started dating Meek very soon after. You know what that makes him? A rebound. Rebounds are fun and necessary but you don’t get serious with a rebound! You don’t lock down a rebound.

The signs have been there from beginning. Remember when Nicki took him to Las Vegas for the Floyd “I Hit Women” Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao fight and he wore this?:

He couldn’t get somebody to pass an iron over those pants?!! Jay is over there looking fresher than hot basket of biscuits and Meek couldn’t even stop chewing his gum for the picture.

Last week he picked a fight with Drake over A TWEET. Yes, Meek Mill was mad at Drake for not tweeting about his new album so he started popping off on Twitter about all kind of irrelevant shit.

Just petty as hell.

Drake has now responded to Meek’s bullshit with TWO new diss tracks. Meanwhile, Meek said he was going to release a track in response to Drake and has yet to do so. He has, however, tweeted shit like this:

Meek did give Nicki some weak sauce apology during one of their performances, but I’m not having it. Nicki, friend, my queen, regardless, at the end of the day, your boyfriend was publicly talking shit about your coworker and friend over an invisible tweet. Think about that.

And there’s more. Today, Billboard published a Meek Mill profile that included this quote from the rapper:

Police brutality and the criminal justice system have dominated recent news cycles, but Meek, who has a 4-year-old son with an ex-girlfriend, rarely uses his elevated platform as a soapbox. “I’m scared to be political,” he says. “You get too powerful and more people try to take you out. My son ain’t trying to hear that his dad got put away because he was fighting for the country.”

Just layers and layers of stupid.

A lasagna of stupid.

Stupid casserole.

Seven layers of stupid dip.

Stupid tiramisu.

A Bomb Pop made of stupid.

Stupid layer dream cake.

DOES MEEK MILL THINK HE’S MARTIN LUTHER KING JR? Does Meek Mill think that his statements about the racial politics of this country will be so inflammatory that the United States government will try to assassinate him to stifle the movement? FURTHER, I think most people are pretty OK when their relatives risk their lives fighting for equal rights and basic humanity for their country—some might even say, proud.

The funny thing is that Meek Mill has actually said some rather astute things about the racial politics of this country, so he’s not completely clueless. But we can’t take a chance here because GOOD LORDY LORD THOSE WORDS WERE DUMB.

Finally, we come to Meek’s most egregious misstep. During his inane word-vomit session on Twitter, he brought up Jay Z’s name in a hypothetical posit about rappers writing their own lyrics.

Let. Me. Tell. You. Something. He did not need to drag Jay Z’s name into this nonsense. GOD FORBID Jay takes this the wrong way and actually gets pissed! You know what happens then? Say goodbye to that Beyoncé hookup.

Any man who would recklessly gamble with your friendship with Beyoncé does not care deeply enough about your wellbeing or happiness.

Nicki, girl you don’t need this.

While Nicki is thinking this through, let us all take the moment to reevaluate the men in our lives whose terrible, crusty-ass decision-making is dulling our beautiful, beautiful shine and sanity.