Herman Cain Accuses Woman of Accusing Him of Having An Affair

In a crazy like a fox bit of public relations juking, Presidential candidate and meaty pizza enjoyer Herman Cain announced live on CNN that he’s about to be accused of having an extended affair with a woman who he thought was his friend. Isn’t that sort of like breaking a vase in front of your sister and then running to tell your mom that you broke the vase in order to deny her the satisfaction of tattling? I mean, you still broke the vase, Herman. You’re still not getting an allowance this week.

Cain told Wolf Blitzer that the woman who is about to go public with the accusations was an acquaintance, someone who he thought was his friend, and that she’s about to accuse him of having an extended affair with him. I pray to everything that I hold sacred that this accusation isn’t the precursor to America being subjected to descriptions of Herman Cain’s penis and jokes about him not knowing anything about Libya, but certainly knowing all about Labia. Shudder.

And the Cain campaign’s dry erase board that announces how many days have passed since an accusation of impropriety gets again erased with a sigh and redrawn with a big round 0.