Photo: Flickr

There is no better drama than the drama acted out in the comments on long-winded Facebook posts—and this bizarre story involving a vegan restaurant, a one-year-old child, and a rogue butthole is no exception.

Apparently there’s a vegan restaurant in Memphis, Tennessee called Imagine Vegan Cafe. Per Wonkette, one customer had a pretty troubling experience. That customer wrote a review that was less than positive. Any description I could provide would not do it justice, so I’ll simply leave the review below.

Screenshot via Google

Fair enough. This woman had a bad experience—a “bare butt naked baby” showed her “it’s butthole.” She wrote a review that accurately reflected her experience and posted it on the internet because that’s what you do when a toddler allegedly puts its butthole in your face when you’re simply trying to enjoy some vegan fare and maybe a nice iced tea. Instead of responding with an email or maybe a phone call, the owners of Imagine Vegan Cafe doubled down and defended the rogue butthole-revealer.

In a Facebook post that has since been deleted, they wrote:

I am about to start calling out names and pictures of people who leave us bad reviews, especially when it deals with our children. You will no longer be allowed to come and dine at Imagine. Especially when you lie about our babies. We do not need or want your business. Be our guest to go and eat at the other vegan restaurants down the street. This is going to be fun!!!! You’ve thoroughly irritated mama bear!!!!!!!!! We’re starting with Chelsea Bartley!

For anyone who reads this and is instantly scared this might affect our business, I cannot begin to tell you how much we do not care. Haters are not welcome at Imagine!!!!

As this is the kind of story meant to spread like rampant viral wildfire, the purveyors of the Imagine Vegan Cafe Facebook page had a full evening responding to every single comment on their Facebook post, like you do when you’re so absolutely certain that what you’re saying is right and not a single human being can tell you shit otherwise. In the fresh light of morning, the cafe provided the following response, which has also been deleted.

To clarify what happened with this bad review, this is what happened:

We have a one-year old child who has just discovered she can undo the Velcro on her diaper. She is also currently potty training. One day last week, she got out of my husband and my site, took off her diaper and ran across the restaurant. She was quickly apprehended and re-dressed. Someone decided that it was necessary to leave very nasty review about it. Not only about it but our five-year-old who was trying to say hello to her and she was very uncomfortable and offended. This irritated the heck right out of me because we clearly state on our menu that children could be around the restaurant. I called her out ofr it and she apparently didn’t like it. Now trolls and others are finding it necessary to bash a restaurant they’ve never even been to.

Who’s telling the truth here? What side of the story do you believe? Did Chelsea Bartley see a toddler’s butthole while trying to enjoy a Tofurky sausage? Is the proprietor of Imagine Vegan Cafe overreacting? Is anyone overreacting? Did someone eventually dress the baby? How long does it take to snatch a naked toddler and put its diaper back on? What of the “yodeling” other child— what’s their story? Is any of this true or is everyone lying just a tiny bit for internet fame and virality???

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