All images via screengrab.

Like any major incident the Kardashians/Jenners find themselves involved in, Kendall Jenner’s Pepsi Short Film Controversy (or KJPSFC, as it’s come to be known) has started a countdown in the minds of the show’s most rabid fans (including myself), as they await to see how E! will handle the drama in a future episode of KUWTK.

Though it could be months before the topic is handled on the air, I’ve imagined what it may possibly look and sound like. I have a feeling this is... exactly right.


KENDALL: So I’m really excited about this new short film I shot for Pepsi. It’s all about marches and protests and the current situation of things regarding people and police. I’m not a very political person so I’m looking forward to getting out there and sending a message about... the marches and the protests, you know, and the current situation of things regarding the people and the police. You know, I just feel like we should all be more outspoken about things that are important to this generation, and people in this generation are really talking about those things a lot lately. It’s pretty cool, and I’m excited to be working with Pepsi, which I love and do drink.

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FLASHES OF IMAGERY FROM THE COMMERCIAL

KENDALL: So when the short film dropped, I just expected people to share it and be like, “Wow, this is so great! Good for Pepsi for talking about these important things.” You know, I thought it was cool. But, then my phone just, like, it literally blew up.

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CUT TO FOOTAGE OF KENDALL LEARNING ABOUT THE CONTROVERSY WHILE WITH KYLIE

KYLIE: Oh my god look at your phone.

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KENDALL: I’m getting ready. Why?

KYLIE: Oh my god, because people hate your Pepsi thing.

KENDALL: What do you mean people? Why do they hate it?

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KYLIE: [laughs] I mean people like everyone. I mean, like, everyone hates your Pepsi thing. Just look at your phone.

KENDALL: Oh my [bleep] god. What?!

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KYLIE: [laughs] This guy says it’s the worst commercial he’s ever seen. Kendall what did you even do. [laughs]

KENDALL: [increasingly concerned] I didn’t do anything! I just shot the thing! I thought it was really good, didn’t you watch it?

KYLIE: No, but I’m watching it now.

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KENDALL: Why are all these people calling me a monster for talking about politics? It was supposed to be a nice mess—

KYLIE: [laughs] You gave the cop a Pepsi?!?! [laughs]

KENDALL: It’s supposed to be nice! It’s supposed to be a statement about unity, peace, and understan—

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KYLIE: Kendall you don’t even drink Pepsi.

KENDALL: It’s not abou—

KYLIE: If I handed you a Pepsi right now you’d call it a ‘cancer can’ and throw it in the trash.

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KENDALL: I have to keep reading this. Will you call mom?!

KRIS: Hi Kylie. What’s up?

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KYLIE (off camera): [incomprehensible barrage of laughter and bleeps]

KRIS: What do you mean ‘the twittersphere is misinterpreting Kendall’s ad about unity, peace, and understanding?’ Kylie why are you laughing? Are you girls high?

KYLIE (off camera): The commercial.

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KRIS: Oh, the short film? What don’t they like about it?

KYLIE (off camera): They’re all making fun of Kendall because they say the ad is a joke. Which it is, because I haven’t been able to stop laughing at it.

KENDALL (off camera, barely audible): [bleep] you!

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KYLIE (off camera): Mom, she pulls off her wig. [laughs]

KENDALL (off camera, barely audible): It’s a [bleep] statement about unity, peace, and understanding!

KRIS: Kylie, stop making fun of your sister, you’re giving me a migraine. I’m gonna call Pepsi.

KRIS: So after Kendall’s short film about unity, peace, and understanding went viral for all the wrong reasons, Kendall was super upset. She worked hard on that film, and there was no reason for her to be torn down by the public all because of something that was done with the best of intentions. So I did what any good mother would do in this situation: I gave Pepsi a call.

KRIS: Hi, Pepsi? This is Kris Jenner. We need to talk.

KRIS: Let’s just say it didn’t go well. [beat.] For them.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

KENDALL: So, after my mom called Pepsi to complain about the way they treated me for being part of the short film, they issued an apology. Which felt pretty good.

KYLIE: Mom totally blew up at Pepsi over the phone. [laughs] I think like two people got fired.

KYLIE: Oh my god, Pepsi just apologized for that commercial.

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KHLOE: No way.

KYLIE: Look! It’s on TMZ.

KHLOE: Wait, they apologized to Kendall too?

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KYLIE: [laughs] I can’t! [mimics a businessman’s voice] Kendall, we’re so sorry we asked you to star in our [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] short film. Please accept our apology and a lifetime supply of Pepsi that you’ll never [bleep] drink.

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KHLOE: [laughs] Ew!

KYLIE: Mom is such a [bleep], I love it.

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KHLOE: I know, I’m like jealous. I like want mom to get Pepsi to apologize to me for some reason. Maybe I should go give a can of Pepsi to a cop and see what happens.

KYLIE: Oh my god! [laughs]

KHLOE: So mom, Kendall and Kylie told me you got into, like, a massive fight with Pepsi over the phone.

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KRIS: I had a conference call with decision makers.

KOURTNEY: What?

KHLOE: Yeah, mom got so mad at Pepsi for that embarrassing short film that they apologized to Kendall publicly. Kylie just showed me.

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KRIS: I did not have a massive fight with Pepsi. I had a call with them. Kylie’s such a little [bleep] stirrer.

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KHLOE: You’re the one who called Pepsi! You literally stirred the [bleep]!

KRIS: I called them because they made Kendall out to be some kind of [bleep] when all she was doing was attempting to spread a message of unity, peace, and understanding. Protests, marches, and the resistance are a big issue these days and I’m proud of Kendall for speaking out.

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KHLOE: I don’t think Kendall’s ever even been to a protest or a march. Does she even know what the “resistance” is? I mean, do you?