Here's Every Orgasm From Mob Wives Star Renee Graziano's Erotic Novel

Renee Graziano, star of VH1's reality show Mob Wives, has penned an erotic novel that's loosely based on her super sexy life in Staten Island as a single mom of an adult son who lives at home.

Playing With Fire, which is out April 8, is a "sex book." That's how Renee referred to it (multiple times) when she revealed on the Mob Wives season finale that she'd been writing the new Fifty Shades of Grey. It's supposedly stuff ripped from her hand-written journals, so we can assume here that the sex scenes are based on the reality star's own sexual encounters—or, at the very least, on her own jerk-off fantasies.

The sex book opens with four pages of "Dedications and Acknowledgements" that were probably actually written by Renee and read very differently from the rest of the literature. Anyway, she thanks (in this order) God, her sisters, her parents, her nieces and nephews, cousins, friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents living and dead, her friend Carla's mom, her son, the people at her publisher, and the people she met in rehab.

The next page begins with a vivid description of people fucking in a pool. Just like in Showgirls.

The plot revolves around our ingenue Reign Grazi. Her middle name is Supreme. Reign Supreme.

"Reign. Think royalty and not weather," is how she introduces herself to people.

Reign is clearly supposed to be Renee—a strong-willed Staten Island single mom with a father and an ex-husband in the mafia. The physical descriptions are based on a version of Renee that didn't get botched body lift surgery, but we can probably assume this refers to her real-life pubes:

The triangle of dark hair between her thighs was trimmed but not entirely bare, which was just how he liked it.

Reign is much more elegant than the real Renee. Unless that's just how Renee sees herself.

However, elegance, here, is defined by ordering shrimp salad in fancy restaurants and maintaining one's balance when bending over in stilettos to remove one's thong.

Reign meets a sexy, sophisticated guy named Nick Fattelli who just happens to be a rich investment banker and a hit man for the mob. He is actually the good guy in the book and we're to believe that he's very moral. He has a gigantic Sicilian penis.

Nick is the only guy that Reign sleeps with in the whole book. They meet at a party and she takes him back to her home for sexy sex (he fingers her in the car on the way there), but there's an intruder in her bedroom closet and Nick kills him. That sets off a series of events that are pretty boring and so stupid that they aren't even predictable.

The sex is all very vanilla and formulaic. Just before their first lay, Nick explains that he likes to make a woman cum by giving her head, and then he likes the favor returned and then after they've both had prelim orgs, they do penis-inside-vagina sex. Always with condoms. Always missionary.

Anyway, without further ado, this is what orgasms are like in the dirty mind of Renee Graziano.

The aforementioned pool sex:

Her breasts were tight against his muscular chest, and then the world shattered and went away as her orgasm rose, crested, and spilled over. The tidal wave was all heated sensation and perfect pleasure as she washed away in the flood.

Nick eats Reign out:

As he licked and gently sucked, her spine arched even more and she moaned, threading her fingers through his hair, taking over, giving him clear signals of when to back it off a little to delay her orgasm, prolonging the pleasure.

Smart girl. When he took two fingers and slid them inside her pussy, she was wet, hot, and tight, and it sent her over the edge. He finger-fucked her as she came. Nick kept her there until she twisted away and commanded, "Stop."

It was quite a sight, he decided as he rolled to his back, his erection pulsing with the beat of his heart, the veins visibly distended and subsiding.

Reign blowing Nick:

Sucking him deeper, she consciously relaxed the muscles in her throat, stroking his balls, and as predicted, he made an audible sound of enjoyment.

Circling his cock with her fingers, she began to pump it as she licked and sucked, and while he did last longer than most men, it still wasn't more than a minute or two before he said hoarsely,"Unless you swallow, maybe you'd better…oh shit…stop."

Once again a gentleman. At least he'd bothered to warn her.

Intercourse:

"I've eaten your pussy and you sure as hell have sucked me," he whispered. "I think it is time for a nice long slow fuck, right?"

She wrapped her legs around his waist. "I don't do anything slow."

"I need to be inside you." He abruptly rolled her over, his breath warm against her lips, a lock of dark hair over his forehead. "I'm talking you have no idea how bad I need to be inside you."

"Go for it," she challenged because she was pretty on the edge as well. "Fuck me."

Instead he kissed her, long but hard and fairly graphic about what he wanted. His tongue delved deep and then her knees were apart and he entered her so abruptly she caught her breath.

Immediately he lifted his head, concern in those pure blue eyes. "Okay? Did I hurt you?"

Reign was getting close, the tension moving her higher and higher. Her thighs tightened around his hips. She pulled him closer. "Kiss me again."

He did and she kissed him back, her nails raking his shoulders as it started to happen, her eyes closing as the pleasure crested and she sank beneath the tidal wave. As she came he reacted, his cry just strangled enough she registered even though she was lost, floating, her body trembling. Her breath was caught somewhere in her throat.

More intercourse:

He finished it with long measured strokes, taking them both where they wanted to go, his hands sliding beneath her to lift her into each heated thrust. Reign wasn't shy about being vocal in her enjoyment, and his own climax was a shattering event that left him sheened with sweat and confirmed his heart was in good shape anyway.

Here, they try to "spice it up" with "dirty talk."

"Damn, you feel so tight and hot."

"Dirty talk. Nice. Always spices it up. Keep it up."

Nick laughed and began to move. "I think we're past that. You have a really great firm ass."

"Go faster." It was an order.

"No worries." He held her in place and started to really thrust because it wasn't going to take long.

And it didn't. He lost it quickly, his climax swift and so pleasurable he had to prevent himself from collapsing on top of her but stayed on his knees, letting it happen and then begin to fade.

Here's Every Orgasm From Mob Wives Star Renee Graziano's Erotic Novel

As the book progresses and the plot gets dumber (a man tries to have Renee killed because he is jealous of her professional success) the sex—and the descriptions of it—get shorter, more vague and ultimately less satisfying.

She moved then, faster and harder, the up and down motions as she rode him rapidly and it was gratifying when he came first, his orgasm spiraling into hers as he powerfully lifted his hips time and again.