I am inconsolable. My body is wrapped around the base of the toilet in my office’s handicapped bathroom stall heaving and shaking. What do you do when you’ve lost your best friend?
On Thursday, Vine announced via Medium that the mobile app would be discontinued in the coming months, effectively drawing-and-quartering my heart and leaving its bloody pieces all over the internet’s floor.
“Nothing is happening to the apps, website or your Vines today,” the release reads, as if it’s any consolation. “We value you, your Vines, and are going to do this the right way. You’ll be able to access and download your Vines. We’ll be keeping the website online because we think it’s important to still be able to watch all the incredible Vines that have been made.”
Just shut up, shut up, shut up!!!!!!! (I’m sobbing.) What are we supposed to do when we smoke or need an under-eight-second laugh now? Look at Twitter? Are You Fucking Stupid????????
Had Vine never existed, the loss to culture and my personal quality of life would have been immeasurable. We never would have gotten a number of hateful teenage Vine-lebrities, but also a number of them that would slowly weasel their way into America’s hearts, like Hayes Grier, a teenage heartthrob and one-time Dancing With the Stars participant.
We wouldn’t have any of these articles: