Help Wanted: Lululemon Seeks CEO Who Voted for Pedro, Does Headstands

Lululemon has posted a Help Wanted ad to replace departing C.E.O. Christine Day. It reads kind of like it was written by a 12-year-old Redditor, if 12-year-old Redditors were really into yoga. The new C.E.O., or “head boss person,” must possess a variety of personal qualities. These include the ability to “communicate powerfully, often through Sanskrit” and “know the secret to how they got the caramel in the Caramilk bar.”

The job description continues:

– You are disciplined, focused and can hold headstand for at least 10 minutes

– You’re a long-term thinker. You already have a plan to bring yoga and luon to Mars by 2018

– You break all the rules like getting your OM-on (loudly) whenever the urge arises

– You wear The Mansy to lead our company-wide morning chant and kombucha ritual

– Your go-to party trick is your dead-on impression of the yogi in “Sh*T Yogis Say”

– You voted for Pedro

– You have Chip Wilson, Bill Clinton, Ellen DeGeneres and Oprah Winfrey on speed dial

– You use your third eye to channel innovation

– Your lineage is directly related to Phidippides

There. Now have we all laughed so much that we forgot all about see-through pants, Ayn Rand, and child labor?