Theory: Dame Helen Mirren is perfect. Here is the evidence:
She has an Academy Award, four BAFTAs, three Golden Globes, four Emmy Awards and Two Cannes Film Festival Best Actress Awards.
She loves tacky lucite stripper shoes.
She dressed up as the Queen and had tea with a dying kid after the real Queen refused.
After the world reeled at seeing her smoking hot in a red bikini, she gave away said red bikini to be auctioned off by the Spread the Warmth Campaign, which stops older people from needlessly suffering and dying in the winter.
She once called the Oscars "the crème de la crème of bullshit."
She's "utterly disgusted" by the tattoo she got when she was "very, very" drunk — but hasn't had it removed.
She got married at the age of 52!
She has no children, and says:
“I'’ve no maternal instinct whatsoever. And I don’'t think I'’m so unusual. I think an awful lot of women don'’t really want children, but feel they ought to.
“They think there’'s something wrong with them if they don'’t want to, but it’'s not true.
“I'’m so happy I don'’t have children. But I do love children and I’'ve got family, and [husband Taylor Hackford] has children that I’'m involved with — and with great pleasure — but it'’s just not for me.”
She doesn't do coke anymore, but not because she didn't enjoy it:
You did once say that you loved cocaine.
I haven’t touched it for 20 years, and I gave it up for a very good reason, which is that it’s not what it does to you; it’s what it does to other people. The people who grow the coca leaves are brutalized and murdered, and that’s the issue you forget when you’re having a lovely time at a party.
She dyed her hair pink on a whim after watching ANTM.
She has a royal air about her and has played three different British monarchs:
Elizabeth I in the series of that name; Elizabeth II in The Queen, and Queen Charlotte in The Madness of King George.
She was fierce as Morgane Le Fay in Excalibur.
She rocked the shit out of the Jean Paul Gaultier costumes in The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover.
She steals every scene in which she appears.
She is completely believable as a bad-ass assassin in Red (and the upcoming Red 2!).
She has fun on the red carpet.
Do you have any doubts that she'd be fun to hang out with?!
And of course: She's fucking gorgeous.