HBO Go Crashes During 'True Detective;' People Go Predictably Nuts

If you’re like a lot of people who wanted to watch the True Detective finale Sunday night on HBO Go, the cable network’s on demand service, this is what you were watching instead of one of the best television finales ever.

Don’t feel bad though (OK, you probably feel really, really bad) because you weren’t alone in your torment. The site crashed at the worst possible time ever, leaving thousands (millions? BILLIONS? SUPERBAJILLIONS?) of people without a way to see the highly anticipated ending of the season. HBO Go responded as all corporations do, with passionate, sympathetic words that let everyone know they feel your pain, man:

So naturally, people turned off their electronic devices and opted to spend some quality time with friends and loved ones. They wrote poems, composed songs and painted breathtaking landscapes. Hundreds of thousands of people flocked into the city streets, joining hands and singing beautiful folk tunes of love and human kindness.

No, actually none of that shit happened. People got on Twitter and let loose. If you thought the drama during the show was high, wait till you read some of these tweets! Oh what am I saying, you don’t know about the drama because you’re still trying to get your HBO Go to load. Sorry. My bad. But take it from me, Rust and Marty’s final showdown with the killer was EXACTLY LIKE all these tweets. (So really, you’re not missing anything! You’re welcome.):

Others were able to maintain their composure through the agony, waxing poetically on the state of things to come.

Some took desperate measures:

The crash did generate some good conspiracy theories (Everyone on Tumblr, please follow up on these; kthanks)

Well, looks like there is a silver lining for HBO after all! At least they got a new logo out of it:

“Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?” [BANGS ON MIC]

According to a post from the Wall Street Journal on Sunday night, HBO did not respond to requests for a comment on the situation. Or maybe their phones/email are down, too. Who knows!

That sound you hear is the laughing from all the people who opted to watch Cosmos last night. Not me though. I’m not laughing at you guys. I’m too engrossed re-watching the finale I recorded from HBO on my DVR.