Gwyneth Paltrow Clowns on Her Own Botox: 'I Looked Like Joan Rivers!'S

Oh, Goopy. Ever seeking new dark sorcery with which to defy the wrinkle gods, Gwyneth Paltrow admits that she tried Botox once but did not like the results. Apparently it made her face look like a completely different woman's face! An old, ugly woman! Not like beautiful young Goopy at all! THE HORROR.

The mother of two said that while she is “scared to go under the knife,” she’s not ruling everything out on her eternal quest for a youthful face.

I’ll try anything,” Gwyneth told Harper’s Bazaar magazine in the May issue.

“Except I won’t do Botox again, because I looked crazy.”

Then Gwyneth let loose with the zinger at the E! Fashion Police host and comedienne.

“I looked like Joan Rivers!” she said about the 79-year-old who has had multiple plastic surgery operations on her face.

I'm not saying I want to get one trillion plastic surgeries until I look like Joan Rivers, but come on, Gwynnie. That's just rude. Also, if you're looking to recommend "hilariously naughty verbal sparring" for the May issue of goop, I'd pick a new target because Joan will crush you. Also also, maybe we could stop doing this thing where we pressure women (especially in the entertainment industry) to stay as young and beautiful as possible for as long as possible, lest they become garbage, and then shame them when they take medical steps to "fix" their faces? Maybe we could examine that? Because it's real fucking shitty. Joan Rivers's face doesn't exist in a vacuum. [Radar]

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Gwyneth Paltrow Clowns on Her Own Botox: 'I Looked Like Joan Rivers!'S

Emboldened by the success of the Veronica Mars Kickstarter, Melissa Joan Hart is asking fans for $2 million to fund a wacky rom-com starring Melissa Joan Hart. Because the Hollywood suits just can't handle her truth, or something.

I know it seems like a leap of faith but I am asking you to do what Hollywood won't, and that is to take a chance on me as the lead of a romantic comedy film. The more money we raise, the more likely this film will reach numerous movie theaters and impress those same Hollywood execs that have caused a stumbling block in my path to a more serious film career.

...“Darci’s Walk of Shame” is the story of a woman who can’t seem to find the right guy. She’s stuck in a pattern of bad relationships and is constantly under the scrutiny of her entire extended family. When she takes a trip to a tropical resort to attend her sister’s wedding…alone, she makes a snap decision to take a risk and step outside the box and wakes up alone in a stranger’s bed, left to find her way back to her family and take a very long, confusing walk of shame in a ridiculously bright colored taffeta bridesmaid’s gown through the island paradise. Darci spends the rest of the movie trying to undo what she thinks is the biggest mistake of her life.

I don't...I can't. [Kickstarter]


Gwyneth Paltrow Clowns on Her Own Botox: 'I Looked Like Joan Rivers!'S

The owner of a Beverly Hills suit shop is suing Kris Humphries, claiming that the former Mr. Kardashian promised to recruit lots and lots of his NBA friends to purchase enormous suits from the tailor in exchange for a discount on his own enormous suits. Humphries received the discount, the suit-maker never received the promised enormous man business.

According to the lawsuit, Hill says he struck an interesting deal with Kris — I'll give you a 30% discount on clothes if you introduce me to at least 2 of your NBA player friends to my store within 12 months.

Hill says the NBA players didn't even have to buy anything — he just wanted an intro. Easy enough, right?

According to Hill's suit, Kris agreed to the deal ... and proceeded to buy more than $46k in merchandise using his massive discount.

Problem is ... Hill claims Kris not only failed to deliver on his end of the bargain ... but he still owes more than $6k in unpaid suit bills.

Hill's suing for more than $52k in damages ... plus interest. No word back from KH's camp.

He's like the ultimate manchild, right? Like, if you look up Kris Humphries in the dictionary there's a picture of the word manchild? [TMZ]

  • Who wore a coat better—Angelina Jolie or Kate Middleton? Coat-ranking handicappers of the world need to know! (For fuck's sake, it's not even the same coat.) [E!]
  • Here's Gisele Bundchen looking fab with her baybay, all, "Haaaaaay! Here eez my baybay! I am Gisele Bundchen!" [E!]
  • I didn't even know that Dana Carvey and Mike Myers were in a fight, but apparently they are not in a fight anymore. So, phew. [Vulture]
  • Oh em geeeeee, here's Ben Affleck and J-Garn kissing I love them I love them I love them. [E!]
  • Seth Rogen says that Will Ferrell is one of the funniest human beings of all time, and I have to say, TOOOOOOOOTALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. [MTV]
  • Matt Lauer made a joke about how everyone hates him. [THR]
  • Is there anything more boring than watching golf? How about a picture of someone watching golf. [E!]
  • Jenna Jameson will not be charged for violently bonking her assistant with a phone. [E!]
  • Nothing cute happened today.