Goldman Sachs Is Confused, Turned Off By Urban Outfitters' Denim TutuS

A hilarious Goldman Sachs analysis of the outlook for hip youth clothing (and sometimes bedbug :( ) purveyor Urban Outfitters revealed some concerning negative indicators for potential investors in the store's parent company. Namely: denim tutus. Denim tutus! Have you ever heard as a thing as crazy as a denim tutu?

The problem, according to the report, is that the chain may be too edgy to sustain the sort of growth that would make the store's parent company attractive to investors interested in cashing in on growth. For added argument support, the report included a picture taken of an actual item of clothing from an actual Urban Outfitters on Long Island along with text that noted the store might be too "aggressive and fashion-forward."

In other words: Goldman Sachs is a Concerned Mom.

Are you going to leave the house wearing THAT? asks Goldman Sachs.

Mooom. This is HOW PEOPLE DRESS NOW. I AM DRESSING HOW PEOPLE DRESS. a snotty Urban Outfitters responds, tromping her Docs into the living room.

Well I've never seen anything as crazy as a denim tutu, that's all! says Goldman.

Sorry you don't understand FASHION, Mom, but this is how it is! UO flounces her pink chiffon layers and defiantly hooks her thumbs beneath the overall straps holding the whole beastly sartorial confection aloft before slamming the door behind her.

Fortunately for UO, the other companies under the same corporate umbrella — Anthropologie and Free People — offer much more Mom Goldman-friendly styles like scarves. What ever happened to a nice, regular scarf? See? It brings out your cheekbones and keeps you from catching cold! Your sister likes scarves.