Should you be blessed to have a Phaedra Parks as a friend, then you know exactly what it’s like to be constantly on the defense, constantly on emotional guard. This friend is often silent but deadly—a good listener, though—and a connoisseur of metaphors. When they speak, it’s usually to call upon Jesus, give helpful unsolicited advice or make grand proclamations about why everyone around them needs to get it together, because they simply do not have the patience. They’re the epitome of the upside-down smile emoji.
This friend knows how to pithily gather a messy person, but also knows when to shut up and let their smile or facial expression speak for itself. Because they do have manners. If this person is a rock in your life, you’ll want to reward him/her with gifts that show how much you appreciate their shady ways. Even if this means sometimes you’re the victim of their subtle wrath, the world would be too boring and pleasant a place without them.
Paper hand fan or portable handheld fan
A fan is an essential accessory for your friend because of its versatility and innate aura of shadiness. Anyone holding a fan simply looks like an expert shader. First there’s its obvious function as a cheap, portable cooling system on hot days. But your shady friend will also appreciate being able to whip a fan out when stating snide remarks like, “Forever 21 is having a sale,” to fully optimize their shade.
Is said friend always talking about hypothetical haters? A fan is helpful, so when the haters—fans, if you will—step into their shadow, your friend can proceed to look completely unbothered. Though a portable fan would do better at serving a functional purpose, a paper fan is best for aesthetic reasons. (Brookstone, $19.99) (beau-coup.com, $15.95-$16.95)