Miss Piggy, domesticated swine superstar and former partner of a sad amphibian named Kermit, would like her fans to know that she does not need a man in her life. And though, yes, she is technically a puppet incapable of speaking, moving, or fucking—she literally needs a man (she’s performed by one named Eric Jacobsen) to come “alive”—let’s pretend for a few moments that none of that is true.

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In an interview with SiriusXM’s Denise Albert and Melissa Musen Gerstein, the pig said:

“Look, who knows what’s going to happen in the future with moi and Kermit... I know one thing is for certain. I do not need a man in my life.”

That noise you just heard was the ghost of Jim Henson wailing, “It was never supposed to be like this! It was never supposed to be like this!”


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

Image via Getty.