Florida Teen Plays With Gun, Gets Shot Right in the Dick

And he still protected his friend because you don’t snitch. Even when you’re bleeding from your groin and might die. “Nah, it was an accident man! You go home! I got this!’

WINK News reports that a teenager who shall remain forever nameless was rushed to the hospital last week when he and his friend made a terrible mistake while playing with a gun. Probably doing really cool secret agent moves while messing around with the loaded weapon, the Bert Macklin and Michael Scarn hopefuls got a crash course in gun safety when the weapon fired, leaving one of the Collier County teens hurt badly in the dick.

WINK has the 911 call:

DISPATCHER: “What kind of gun did you shoot yourself with?”

CALLER: “I don’t know. Just please come get me, please. I’m bleeding out, please.”

DISPATCHER: “Where were you shot at?”

CALLER; “The arm and I think my penis.”

By which he means only the dick, but I’m going to pretend it’s the dick and the arm to make this entire thing a little less embarrassingly Freudian. Because how is he going to get shot in both? I’m going to be honest that I only spent about thirty seconds thinking about this, but unless he was shot twice or was already covering his dick with his arm before he was shot (unlikely) it’s more probable he was just trying to cover the whole thing up and being all casual about the penis situation. It’s kind of like when you want to buy a Playboy in the store and try to cover it up by buying a MAD and a Reader’s Digest, too.

The kid is fine (that is why we are poking gentle fun at him) (but not in the dick), but what’s really admirable is that even as he was bleeding out through his genitals, he still had the foresight to cover for his friend, whom he sent home so that they wouldn’t get in trouble. But, just like on TV, the perp always comes back to the scene of the crime and the friend returned a few hours later, probably to see how the victim was doing.

Police have arrested one teen for obstruction of justice. The victim is out of the hospital and expected to make a full recovery physically, if not emotionally. Especially because WINK news lists the block the teen lives on. Cold.

No report on whom the gun belonged to or whether any parent or other adult was arrested for not keeping the gun properly locked up. If nothing else, this is a good reminder that if you’re going to exercise your second amendment rights, you should leave guns where teens can’t find them (like at the gun store, where they’ll be safest).