Finally, Makeup You Can Sleep in So You Won't Scare Away Men

Any woman who has ever made the grave mistake of washing her face before going to bed/inadvertently (drunkenly) smearing it off while sleeping next to a lover knows what will inevitably happen the next morning, when the sun hits her bare, freakish face: Tears. Screams. Tragedy. Disaster.

Ha, no. The person you’re sleeping with will still like you if you have more mascara under your eyes than on your eyelashes, and if they don’t, you really shouldn’t be sleeping with them. Still, there are plenty of women who wear makeup to bed, from makeup artist Charlotte Tilbury, who vowed never to face the world without mascara again after becoming “popular overnight” as a 13 year old (and, incidentally, should maybe look into therapy), to a women I knew in college who said she slept in eyeliner because she thought she looked “tired” without it. God forbid you look tired before going to bed!

Boots Health and Beauty Magazine is trying to sell those women products:

“Apparently, 80% of us wait a whole month before we allow a new boyfriend to see us without make-up. SO hurrah for the make-up you actually go to bed in!” Hurrah for the male gaze watching over us while we sleep! “Mornings just got a lot prettier!” I just can’t.

In my experience, it’s a lot cuter to laugh together over how crazy you and your new “friend” look the morning after than it is to pretend your face is naturally that shade of shimmery peach. Better tip: don’t fuck anyone who makes you feel like you need permanent mascara?