Female Prisoner Needs to Get Laid, Escapes Cell for Sex With Inmate

A prisoner at Portland, Maine’s Cumberland County jail would do anything for love, including breaking out of her cell and into that of her lover’s for a romantic rendezvous. I’m not mad at her.

On Saturday morning, a woman whose name has yet to be released snuck out of her jail cell and bypassed three more locked doors to reach her boo in another cell block. If my knowledge of jail house rules — gleaned from hours watching Justified and Orange is the New Black — serves me, at least two guards were most likely involved in this lover’s respite, probably in return for some shady Big House dealing.

CBS reports that the couple spent about three hours cuddled up before a guard “discovered” them during a bed check.

Local Portland Sheriff Kevin Joyce told press he’s looking into whether this sexual healing, er, break of protocol was due to human error, policy error, mechanical issues or simply because Piper was tired of hanging out with Donna from That 70s Show.