Federal Employees Get Free Vibrators During Government Shutdown

Vibrators.com is offering an Affordable Care Act for your lady parts — they’re giving away 200 vibrators a day to federal employees affected by the government shutdown. It’s becoming more and more obvious that this is what the sluts wanted all along.

From their website:

Are you a federal employee that has been deemed non-essential? Do you have a little too much time on your hands and nothing to do? Is the recent government shutdown to blame?

If you answered yes to all of those questions, you’ll soon have your hot little hands on a sex toy that’ll make your long boring days a bit more interesting. I mean, they’ll still be mostly boring, but hey — what more do you want? Congress to come over and fuck you? Sorry, they’re too busy screwing us all over to worry about your individual needs.