[Takes long, deep, calming breath] OK. So the family that includes everyone's favorite anus-obsessed racist and child bride promoter, Duck Dynasty's Robertson clan, is launching their own line of celebrity-backed guns.
Soon, you'll have your choice of 12 different guns endorsed by the Robertsons to blow the heads of whatever sweet duckies you deem to be gunshot-worthy. And LUCKY US, anus-obsessed racist and child bride promoter Phil Robertson does narrate a promotional video to sell you the guns!
"You know what makes me happy, ladies and gentleman? To blow a mallard drake's head smooth off," he says in the sleek promotional ad.
The Duck Commander series of guns, which aren't available for purchase yet online, include one high-capacity pistol. The .22 caliber 715P Pistol can hold 26 rounds and is described as "perfect for small game, plinking, target shooting — or clearing cottonmouths out of your duck blind," according to the company's website.
They're going to be camouflaged and "emblazoned with the Robertson's Duck Commander logo" in case you forget which ANUS-OBSESSED RACIST AND CHILD BRIDE PROMOTER celebrity is endorsing the gun you own.
Here's a commercial for the guns, from gun manufacturer Mossberg, which has partnered with the family to sell them. It looks exactly like the trailer for an Oliver Stone movie in 1987. Which is oddly perfect, if you think about it.
Image via Getty Images