In 1998, one day after her divorce form Kenneth Branagh became final, Emma Thompson received a call in her trailer on the set of Primary Colors. She answered and heard the terrifying words, “Hi, it’s Donald Trump here.”
Us Weekly reports that Thompson shared her story on a Scandinavian talk show called Skavlan on Thursday, explaining that she had never gotten a call in her trailer before and it was alarming even before she knew who was on the other line. Thompson says Trump offered her accommodations, and appeared to be checking in on her comfort level. Then he said, “Well, you know, I think we would get on very well. Maybe we could have dinner some time.”
She didn’t accept his offer. “I didn’t know what to do with myself,” she admitted. “I just said, ‘OK, well, I’ll get back to you. Thank you so much for ringing.”
But what if she’d said yes? Here is a brief excerpt from the date Emma Thompson and Donald Trump could have had in 1998:
Trump: They have the best caviar here, the best of everything for fine actresses at my hotel.
Thompson: [English accent] Are you all right? You’re sweating a substance that looks quite a bit like margarine.
[Trump tries to stand, slips on greasy margarine sweat and smacks head on table. He sits back down.]
Trump: You think you can ruin me? I loved you in Sensuality and Sensuality, by the way.
Thompson: Do you mean Sense and Sensibility?
Trump: Well, some call it that, some call it what I call it and say that’s the real thing it’s called, in some books like the great books written by the author of your movie. I mean, I know that your movie was a book and I’ve got a big stack of books, some by very important people and some that are about very important people, like myself. If a book has me in it, everyone wants to read it, but also because reading is very enjoyable, I have heard that said and also find it to be true when I have the time. Though that’s a difficulty, since I make so much money, you know, more money than you can even imagine swimming in like Scrooge McDuck if you kept your money in a vault which I do not, because my vault is full of old hair pieces. You look like Princess Diana when I squint.
[Emma Thompson realizes what she has to do. They marry and take a honeymoon in Bermuda on his gold yacht, from which Trump’s body slips silently into the sea. Thompson sips a chilled glass of sauvignon blanc as the sun sets. In the morning she’ll notify the crew that her husband is missing.]
I think things could have worked between these two.