Image via Northamptonshire Police

A guy in Northampton, England walked into a housewares store called Dunelm Mill on Tuesday, allegedly shoved a decent-sized venetian blind into his hoodie, and walked out. The BBC reports that staff watched him do this; “he then left the store making no attempt to pay for the item.”

Apparently clerks also made no attempt to stop him, presumably because they were rendered immobile by his legendry. After he left, they found the blind “abandoned” in a “nearby canal path.” The man was gone.

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My fellow citizens: If doing it for the gram is so wrong, may I never be right.